


The Amazing Farm is Not on Fire

by queenphoebly



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Growing Old Together, M/M, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 11:52:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7102105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenphoebly/pseuds/queenphoebly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil are in their mid 60s and have decided to retire from YouTube and move onto a farm in Yorkshire, England.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Off to the Farm

"Thank you so much, Chris!" said Phil as he climbes into the front seat of their truck.  
"Honestly, you didn't have to give us your parents farm as a retirement gift." Dan added from the back.  
"No need to thank me. I should be thanking you for taking me up on the offer! I'd much rather have people that I know take over the place I grew up, rather than some stupid bank."

Dan and Phil turned off the camera for the last time about 2 weeks after Dan's 65th birthday. About a week before that, Chris had to take ownership of his parents farm because they could no longer keep it up in their old age. For a retirement gift, he gave it to Dan and Phil. For the past few weeks PJ and Chris have been helping to clean it up a bit, as well as move their stuff to their new home. 

"PJ should be meeting us there, I think he's getting Dil all ready to go." Chris said as he pulled out onto the mainroad.  
"I'm so excited for Dil! He finally has a place to run around and enjoy his dog-ness" Phil said, practically jumping up and down.  
"Phil, calm down before you break something" Dan barely got out between chuckles.  
"It's not my fault that he's the cutest dog ever!"

The ride was a long, fun,and beautiful 3 hours. 'I'm amazed PJ hasn't come out this way just to film the ride' Dan thought to himself. 'I'm so excited that this is acctually happening. I, Dan Howell, am moving to the counrty side with the love of my life, Phil Lester' Dan's thoughts are cut short by aconcerned Phil.

"Everything ok,Dan? You seem a little dazed?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just, happy" as he winks not-so-awkwardly at Phil.  
Chris starts gagging in a jokingly way, even in his older age, he's still a jokster.

"Alright, we're here!" says Chris, putting the truck is park.  
"It's so amazing, Chris!" Phil looks like a 5 year old, gawking at the cute little house, and barn. 

Dan notices a forest not too far from the barn, 'I hope Dil knows better than to go into the woods.' thought Dan,while waving to PJ pulling in.

"Phil, honey, do you want me to help you up to the house?"  
"No, I'm fine. Here, let me get some boxes and help"  
"Just be careful, ok?"  
"Ok, mom" Phil liked to tease Dan, but he knew that it was all out of love.

Dan and PJ do most of the lifting and moving, since they are the youngest. Chris and Phil start unpacking inside the house, with Phil getting destracted by Dil very often.

"How's it going in here?" asked PJ, walking in with Dan.  
"Quite well, if I say so myself." Chris stated proudly, putting a stack of dishes in the cabnet.  
"I must say, I agree" PJ gives Chris a soft peck on the cheek. 

"It's getting kind of late, do you guys want to stay the night?" Dan asked after checking his phone.  
"That's a fantastic idea, Dan! Chris, you could tell us all your stories about this place, and show us around! Besides, it's already dusk, and both of you are exhausted."  
Chris looks at PJ for confirmation, "It's up to you."  
"Sounds like we're having a night like we used to. Just, without the twister."

They all sit in the living room, listening to Chris tell the story of how he ran away into the barn, and the first time he explored the woods that Dan noticed earlier. They all go to bed, Dan asleep in Phil's arms, starting their new chapter.  
"Dan?"  
"Yes, Phil?"  
"I love you"  
"And I love you"


	2. The Surprise

"Good morning, love! It's nice to see that you've finally gotten up" Phil greets Dan from the kitchen, handing him a cup of coffee, and a kiss on the cheek.  
Dan responds with a grumble of content. "Where are Chris and PJ?"  
"They got up earlier this morning. Chris wanted PJ to see what he used to wake up to. Would you like to join them on the porch?"  
"Sure. Let me go get Dil first, ok?"  
"You do you" Phil said somthing else, but Dan couldn't hear over the screendoor closing.

Dan finds Dil, and lets him onto the porch where he finds Chris and Phil in hysterics, with PJ in story telling mode.   
'Phil is so adorable when he laughs. With his cute little tongue' Dan had a serious case of 'heart-eyes Howell'.  
Ever since they arrived, everyone just seems so happy. It's almost like someone enabled the emotional aura. Dan isn't complaining though, he likes this new feeling.

"We'll help you unpack a few more things, then we need to get going" says PJ through the screendoor.  
"We understand, thank you guys for staying the night, and helping us unpack. Dan and I would love to do this again, just without the physical stuff."  
"I don't mind reliving some of my favorite memories with my favorite people." says Chris, still looking to the forest, with reminiscing eyes.

Around noon, Chris and PJ finally leave Dan, Phil, and Dil on the farm by themselves. They spend the next week or so unpacking and making the place feel like home. But Dan has been planning something special for Phil ever since they arrived. Every night, after Phil is fast asleep, Dan goes out to the barn and cleans it up. He has been moving out old farming equiptment, painting, sweeping, taking out stalls, putting in support beams, just making it perfect. The 'cleaning up' part goes on for about 3 months after moving in, its now the middle of October. Once a month, PJ and Chris come over just to check in. While there, PJ helps Dan with all the things he wasn't able to by himself. PJ buys the paint, since he is closer to a DIY shop, but Dan pays him back every penny.

"Thank you so much, PJ. You honestly have no idea how much this means to me."  
"It's perfectly fine! I'm so glad that I can help with this. I honestly can't wait to see Phil's face when he gets to see it"  
"Me too. So, do you want to look at what I have drawn out on paper, so far?"  
"What are you, mad? Of course I do!"

Dan and PJ stay out in the barn for a few hours, even though it doesn't feel nearly that long to them. Dan walks PJ through the barn, showing him where everything will go. 

"Um, Dan?" PJ asks after they finish.  
"Yeah?"  
"How do you plan on getting all this stuff here? Especially without Phil knowing?"  
"Well, I was thinking that you and Chris could bring stuff out a little at a time. With your visits?"  
"Dan, that'll take forever."  
"I know but, maybe Phil and Chris could go out and spend a whole day to themselves. So that way we can move all the really big stuff in one day."  
"Alright, then I guess we could do that."

Over time, PJ brings Dan everything but the furniture. He brings the nails, picture frames, a TON of fairy lights, and other random things that Dan needs to make it complete. 'I can't wait for him to see this,' Dan thinks to himself as he closes the barn for the night, 'If he doesn't like it, I just might have an existential crisis.'


	3. The Big Moving Day

Dan wakes up to a very excited Dil jumping on the bed.

"Dan, honey, Chris and PJ are here." says Phil, sitting next to him on the bed, putting a hand on Dan's waist.  
"I'll be down in a minute. I just need to get dressed."  
"Ok, love. See you in a minute" Phil gives him a cheeky wink and leaves the room.

Dan gets up after a while, gets dressed, and heads down stairs to be greeted by PJ and a cup of coffee. 

"Where are Phil and Chris?" Dan asked taking the cup from PJ.  
"They went out to town for the day. Are you ready for today?"  
"Oh, god! I totally forgot that was today!"  
"In your defense, it has been 2 months since we talked about it."  
"Fair enough"

After they finish their coffee, Dan and PJ go out to the truck and get all the Ikea furniture that PJ had gotten for the barn. There was a small table made for 2 people, a couple of chairs that would need cushions later on, and a cute little love seat that PJ had found at an antique shop.

"I'm so excited for Phil to see this" said Dan, as he helped PJ carry the love seat into the barn.  
"I'm excited to be helping you make it! Do you know what you want to do with the picture frames yet?"  
"I was thinking about taking all the pictures that we have from when we first met, all of the VidCons we went to, PINOF pictures, TATINOF and TABINOF stuff and other pictures from our day to day life."  
"If you want me to, I can make one of these walls into a giant collage of those pitures?"  
"Really?!" asked Dan, jumping up and down like a five year old, "You would do that?"  
"The both of you have been by my side for as long as I can remember, I don't mind at all"  
"Thank you so much, PJ! That means so much to me."  
"The only problem is that it's going to add on a lot of time to when you want it to be done"  
"Take as long as you need. Honestly, time is not that big of a deal. We're about 3 years away from our 50th, so the closer we get to that,would be amazing."  
"Amazing Phil?"  
"Oh god, PJ!"  
"What!?"  
"Just help me move this carpet"

It was about 6:30 when Phil and Chris finally get back from town. PJ and Dan were basically blobs of jelly on the floor.

"Did you enjoy your day with PJ, honey?"  
"Is that Chinese I smell?" asked Dan, jumping up and running up to Phil.  
"Yea, it is. I thought you might miss it since they don't deliver this far out."  
"Phil, you are the love of my life right now. Thank you"  
"So, you only love me when I bring you food?"  
"I always love you, just a little more when there is food involved"

They all laugh and Phil finishes passing out all the food to everyone. Dan and PJ of course finish theirs the fastest, since they have barely eaten at all that day. 

"So PJ, what did you and Dan do all day while we were gone?" asked Phil in a very motherly way.  
PJ kept looking to Dan for some help, but Dan didn't seem to notice. "We, uh, we built a timemachine. But then we had to destroy it because of the whole space time continuum thing, We didn't want to fix anything because then we wouldn't be here, and as happy as we are now."  
"That sounds great! Doesn't it, Chris?"  
"Yes it does. I do wish there was a way to go back in time to my years of raging hormones, but with a bigger wang."  
"CHRIS!" said Phil and PJ in unison.   
"Oh yeah, there are children in the room. Dan, leave"  
"What?" said Dan finally looking up, completly confused.  
"Good job, Dan." Phil said kissing him on the forehead.

"PJ and I will be right back, we're going out to the car to get our overnight stuff. No sex while we're gone, ok kiddos?" Chris joked as they walked out of the door.  
"Dan, honey? Are you ok? You've been out of it for the past couple of weeks. Is something bothering you?" Phil placed his hand over Dan's, showing how much he cared.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just really happy about where I am right now."  
"Ok" Phil said giving Dan a smile and a cheeky wink.


	4. Domestic Phan

"SHIT" yelled Dan as he stubbed his toe on the barn door.  
He heard a familiar voice call from the house, "Dan, is that you? Is everything ok?"   
"Yeah, babe. Everything is fine. I'll be in bed in just a second. I was just looking for something"  
"Ok"

Dan walked back up to the house, hoping that Phil doesn't get curious tomorrow and go out to the barn. After locking the door and turning off the porch lights, he goes upstairs to his and Phil's shared bedroom. He is greeted with the love of his life, Phil, holding a bowl of popcorn and the Blu-Ray remote.

"I thought that we could have a Studio Ghibli night like we used to, when our lives weren't so busy?" Phil asked, while sneaking Dil a piece of popcorn.  
"That's a great idea, Phil. I'd love to join you." Dan replied, taking a handful of popcorn and nuzzling up to Phil.

They laid in bed together that night, eating popcorn, watching their favorite movies, and enjoying each other's company without the worry of their jobs or their fans.

The next morning, Dan found himself fast asleep in Phil's arms. For once, he was awake before Phil. He took advantage of this moment, and went to go make Phil some coffee and pancakes. He grabbed the popcorn bowl off of the bed and went down stairs with Dil, to give him some breakfast as well.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Dan?" 

Dan was pleasantly surprised by the sleep filled, teasing voice that came from behind him. Dan let out a slight giggle as he finished pouring some syrup for Phil's pancakes.

"Well, good morning sleeping beauty!" he gave Phil a soft peck on the cheek while handing him his coffee, "how did you sleep?"  
"I slept like a Totoro in the forest" Phil's voice was slightly muffled by his coffee coming up to his mouth for the first sip.

"So, what would you like to do this wonderful Wednesday?"  
"I'm not sure, maybe go for a hike and explore the woods?"  
"Are you sure you're up for it? I don't want you knee to mess up again, Phil."  
"Yes, Dan I'm sure. The doctor said that I needed to excersise more anyway. Besides, Dil really wants to explore the forest."  
"So Dil just came up to you and said, 'Hey let's go into the woods'?"  
"Yes, actually, he did"  
"Likely story, Phil, likely story" Dan laughed as he sat down with his own cup of coffee.

Dan heard a faint chewing sound. Looking around, he noticed that Dil was no where to be found. Just before he was about to say something, he saw Phil bring his hand up from under the table.

"Phiil?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Were you just feeding Dil,again?"  
"What?! He looked so sad and hungry, I had give him somthing!"  
"He's supposed to be getting healthier, Phil. We can't just give him pancakes whenever he begs."  
"But imagine how sad your life would be if you didn't know what pancake tasted like?"  
"Alright, you win this round. But just remember that you are making him fatter."

Phil looked down at Dil and gave him some more pancake.


	5. The Hike

"Are you ready, Phil?" called Dan from the porch.  
"Yeah, let me just finish getting Dil's water ready, then we can go" answered Phil from the kitchen.

Phil walked onto the porch with his draw string bag of water bottles and snacks, wearing his shorts and t-shirt.

"Did you remeber the first aid kit?" asked Phil, as they walked through the yard.  
"Yes, yes I did. I also remembered the camera that you said you were going to get" said Dan, pulling out the camera and putting it around his neck.  
"I knew I was forgetting something! What would I do if I didn't have you around?"  
"Not have any pictures to show Chis and Peej."  
"Fair point" Phil looked up to the sky to soak in the beautiful day.

Once Dan, Phil, and Dil had reached the edge of the forest, Phil slipped his hand into Dan's and they began their hike. It seemed like every few seconds, Phil was getting Dan to take a picture of something. He's pretty sure that most of the pictures are of just clouds, and random rocks on the ground. 

"Phiiil! We're going to end up using most of the film, and then when we see something really cool, and can't take a picture of it."  
"But, Dan, everything looks so cool!" Phil said, picking up a rock.  
"Alright, Philly" Dan laughed at Phil, taking a picture of it.

After about an hour of hiking, they found where a tree had fallen, and decided to sit down. Dan started to take out some crisps and granola bars.

"Crisps or granola, Phil?"  
"Do we have chocolate covered granola?"  
"Acctually, yes we do" Dan handed Phil a bar. "And don't give Dil any, it could make him really sick."  
"But he's just as hungry as we are!"  
"I brought some of his food in a container, so, no Phil, he's not going to starve."

The three of them spent about an hour just talking, and cloud gazing. Phil started think about how happy Dan made him, and how happy he made Dan. He knows how cheesy the whole "soul mate' thing is, but honestly, Dan is his soul mate. There is no one that he would rather spend these last few years of his life with. 

"Alright, you ready to leave, Phil?" Dan asked, sitting up.  
"Sure!"

Phil was smiling. He was smiling the same smile that he had on his and Dan's wedding day. The same smile he had when he and Dan walked on stage for the first time while on tour. The same smile that he had when they announced they were going to Japan. The same smile that he had when he met Dan at the train station back in 2009.

Dan noticed the love in Phil's eyes, and he started laughing, so giddy with love.

"What?! Do I have something in my hair?" Phil started frantically running his fingers through his hair.  
Dan knelt down beside him, lifting his chin a little, "You're so beautiful, Phil. I love you."  
Phil started to blush more than ever. "I lo-"

He was cut off by a pair of soft, gentle, lips. The kiss felt like it had lasted just a few seconds, and a few years, all at the same time. Neither of them wanted this moment to end, but before they could settle into the kiss, Dil jumped between them and rolled onto his back, wanting his tummy rubbed. 

"Oh my god, Dil!" Dan yelled between hysterical laughs.

Phil was rubbing Dil's stomach, giving him kisses. He had his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, tail wagging furiously. After a while their laughter finally started to calm down.

"Alright, Phil. We have about an hour left before we need to be home, so we should probably be heading back soon."  
"But I don't want to go home!"  
"Oh stop being such a baby, Philly"

They started walking back, following the trail to the house. Everything they had seen before, except they saw a tunnel shaped from bushes and vines.

"Um, Dan?"  
"Hm?"  
"Was this here before?"  
"I'm sure it was. We probably just looked over it when we passed it."  
"Ok" Phil still felt a little uneasy about the random tunnel.


	6. The Wall of Us

"How is it coming along so far?"Dan asked PJ, helping him paint some of the old frames.  
"Quite well, if I don't say so myself"

It had been about 2 months since Peej had started working on the giant wall of their memories. They had decided to do it on the same wall as the door, since it was the biggest, and Phil would also see it last. Dan had been printing out some of his favorite pictures of their friends, their family, the vacations they had taken together over the years, their achievments, and most of all, their fans. Because Dan and Phil knew very well, that none of this would be happening without them. They wouldn't have even met if Phil didn't have the subscribers that he had. 

"Dan? Peej? Can I come in?" Phil asked, knocking on the door of the barn.  
"NO!" Dan yelled, almost tripping over himself while trying to help PJ put away the frames.  
"But I brought fooood"  
"We'll be out in just a second, Phil" PJ responded with a much calmer tone.  
"Ok" Phil said, sounding a little heart broken.

Dan and PJ put all the supplies back into the box and under the table before they walked out. Dan walked out first to distract Phil so he couldn't see what they were doing. 

"Thank you so much, babe! I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier, you just startled me is all." Dan said while trying to direct Phil away from the barn, and up to the porch.  
"It's ok! I'm sorry that I scared you. Is everything ok? You and Peej have been spending a lot of time in there together lately." Phil said in a concerned voice.  
"Don't worry Phil. It's not like we're having an affair. I love you too much to loose you over Peej" Dan pulled Phil into a reassuring hug.  
"I love you too, Danny"

Dan usually hated being called Danny, but he knows how much Phil loves it. It's not an insult coming from Phil. It's coming from a place of pure love and admiration. It's just another thing to add to the "Why Dan is Phil Trash #1" list.

"What have you and Chris been up to?" asked PJ taking a brownie from the plate Phil was carrying.  
"We've been making these brownies. How are they?" Phil was trying to supress a giggle.  
"For 2 hours?!?" Phil, it doesn't take that long to make a pan of brownies" Dan nearly choked on the one he was eating.  
"Well, we ran into a couple of problems"  
"Phil, I swear if that kitchen is a mess you are cleaning it up, and I'm not going to help you." Dan started walking ahead of the group, muttering under his breath.  
"What did you do, Phil?" PJ leaned over and whispered to Phil.  
"We made him cupcakes. I felt bad because he didn't really get to celebrate these past few birthdays. He was too busy taking care of me, Dil, and everything else. He just does so much and he never lets me show how much it actually means to me."  
"That is really sweet, Phil. Just don't invite Wiggles the Clown, ok?"

Pj opened the door for Phil and out came a running Dan, running at him full force. He almost knocked the brownies out of his hand, but Peej caught them just in time.

"Da-"

Phil was cut short by a pair of familiar lips crashing into his.  The two men were in their own little world of bear hugs, giggles, and kisses. Dan cupped his hands around Phil's cheeks, making Phil look directly into Dan's beautiful hazel eyes.

"Phil Lester, I fucking love you."

This time Phil's eyes started to water, causing Dan to start crying, too.

"Phil, honey, what's wrong?"  
"I just- I love you Dan Howell"

They were adorable crying messes, standing on their front porch together. Eventually, they all went inside and ate the baked goods. Chris and PJ went home after a while, leaving Dan and Phil to themselves.


	7. September

It's a cozy September afternoon when Dan finally wakes up. He looks over to the digital clock on his bedside table. It reads 12:30.

'That's weird, Phil never lets me sleep this late' Dan thinks to himself, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

He rolls over, and sees Phil cuddling with Dil, fast asleep. After a few minutes of thinking, he decides to wake him.

"Philly, its time to wake up." Dan placed his hand on Phil's warm shoulder.

The only response he got was a groan in Phil's adorable morning voice. This time he tried to shake him awake. Again, he got the same answer. Phil obviously wasn't going to wake up anytime soon, so Dan went into the kitchen and began making pancakes.

"Phiilll? I've made you some breakfast. Are you awake yet?" 

Phil didn't move, so Dan set down the tray and walked to the bed, kneeling at the edge. He kissed Phil on the cheek, and forehead. He was burning up.

"Phil, honey? Do you feel well?" Dan asked in his concerned motherly tone.  
"I'm dying" Phil said meekly through the covers.  
"Did you at least put me in the will?" Dan asked, trying to cheer him up.  
"No, everything is going to Dil." Phil was playing along, so he must not have been feeling too bad, now.

Phil finally sat up, eating his breakfast. Then falling back asleep. Every few hours Dan woke him up to check his temperature and give him his medicine. Dan used this time in-between to go work on the barn. It was basically finished, so he was mostly dusting, sweeping, and straightening up. It had to be perfect for his love, Phil. Especially after what he had done with Chris for his belated birthday.

He heard the alarm on his phone go off, signalling that it was time for him to check on Phil. He walked out of the barn, securely closing the door behind him. Walking across the field, Dan looked at the beautiful sunset, and thought about Phil's crystal eyes. He heard Dil barking and jumping on the door, like something was wrong. Dan started run as fast as he could towards the house.

"I'm coming, Phil! Please wait!" Dan shouted across the field.

Once Dan was upstairs, he saw Phil leaning over the edge, breathlessly calling Dan's name. Barely an audible whisper.

"Phil! What's going on? What's wrong? Don't say anything, just point, OK?" Dan was kneeling by his side.

Phil pointed to his chest, trying to mouth 'burn' and 'fire'. He was shivering and sweating, all at the same time.

"Your chest feels like its burning?" Dan slowly started to realize what was probably happening.

Phil nodded his head frantically, causing him to get dizzy and vomit. Dan pulled his phone from his pocket, and called 999. 

"This is 999, what's your emergency?"  
"My husband is having a heart attack, and we live on a farm away from everything."  
"We'll send in a helicopter. Here's what to do while you're waiting..."

Dan did everything he was told through blurry, tear filled eyes.

'Not now, Phil, please, not now'


	8. Party in the Hospital

Dan sat in Phil's hospital room clutching a cup of coffee. He had red puffy eyes from lack of sleep and crying. He hadn't properly slept in almost 2 days. He was deep in thought as he heard someone walk into the room.

"Hey, Dan! We brought some Chinese." Chris said cheerfully, holding out a brown paper bag.  
" Thank you! You honestly didn't have to do that. " Dan said, greeting them with hugs and taking the bag.  
"Any word on his condition so far?" PJ asked, concern evident in his voice.

Dan let out a shaky breath. 

"The nurse called it a 'widow maker'. Apparently, it has one of the lowest survival rates. He said that we are very lucky that I got to him in time."

PJ and Chris sat down on the couch next to Phil. Dan went back to his chair. 

" Thank you guys for stopping by. I really do appreciate it. I'm sure Phil does too."  
" Its not a problem Dan. We were terrified when we got the call. I'm just glad that he's OK." 

Dan PJ and Chris all set in the hospital room, waiting on Phil to wake up. Right now he was just taking a nap thankfully. Dan went to go get some more coffee and invited PJ to go with him. As they walked down the hall, PJ brought up the barn. This is one of the things that Dan was constantly thinking about. 

" Have you thought about the barn it all?" PJ said holding his coffee.  
" I've been thinking about it a lot actually. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I want to wait until our anniversary, but I'm not sure if we'll be able to make it, heaven forbid." Dan was holding back tears.

He's never been as scared in his life as he was when he found Phil. The love of his life was literally dying in front of him. He tried his best to help, but Dan can't accept that it was out of his control. He kept telling himself that he should have stayed in the house instead of being worried about that stupid barn. Yes, Dan was thankful that Phil was still here with him. But, he couldn't help but blame himself for what had happened. It was a bad habit of Dan's, blaming himself for stuff out of his control. When Dan and PJ got closer to the room they heard Phils laughter, and Chris's 'Enrique' voice. Dan didn't realize it but he had started walking faster towards the room.

" Phil! You're finally awake! Chris and PJ brought Chinese in case you want some." Dan said, setting his coffee on the table.  
" Is that more coffee? That's all I've seen you drink since I've been here. There's no way that you've been able to sleep these past few days." Phil asked, in his groggy morning voice.  
"That's because I haven't been. Also, I went ahead and told the fans what had happened. I told them that you are perfectly fine, you'll just be here for about a week and all that stuff."  
"I hope they're all doing OK. I must admit, I miss them more than I thought I would."

Dan sat Phil's food in front of him, before getting out his own. They continued talking about what's been going on in their lives. One of PJ's films was just nominated for an academy award in the US for Best Foreign Film. Chris is teaching improv classes at their local theatre. Everyone's doing really well.

"Um, Dan?" asked Phil, setting down his empty box of noodles next to his bed.  
"Yes, love?"  
"Has anyone checked on Dil, lately?"  
"Louise has been checking on him everyday."   
"Oh thank goodness! I was starting to think that you had forgotten about our son."  
"Never in a million years" Dan replied with a cheeky wink.


	9. Going Home

"All ready to go, Phil?" Chris asked, helping Phil up.  
"Yep!" 

Today was the day that Phil got to finally come home from the hospital. He had been there for about 10 days, and he was ready to leave. He was starting to miss Dil, a lot. Today is October 16th, 2057. In 3 days, it will be Dan and Phil's 48th anniversary in friendship, and love in a not-so-platonic kind of way.

"Did you forget anything, kitten?" Dan asked, while helping Phil get into the car.  
"No, bear. I've got everything. I've checked my room twice, and even had one of the nurses check it, too."  
"It was that male nurse that you kept checking out , Daniel." Chris added, with a cheeky wink and a grin.  
"Oh, shut up, you swine." Dan said, kiding  with Chris.  
"I see, your husband almost dies and then you go bang his nurse. Not very posh of you, Howell."

With that, Dan gives Phil a serious death stare.

"Alright, ladies! Hop aboard the forever train! If we want to get back before dark, we should leave now." PJ says in his conductor voice, while holding the door open for Phil.  
"Oi!" Phil and Chris say in unison.  
"Why, thank you kind sir!" Dan says in his Sister Daniel voice.  
"Dan, you cheesecake" Phil said, giggling.

They get to the farm at about 3 in the afternoon. PJ and Dan take all of Phil's things back up to the house, while Chris helps Phil out of the car.

"What would you like for dinner?" PJ asked the group, tying his Totoro apron around his waist.  
"We have to change a lot of our normal meals because King Spork over here decided to have a heart attack." Dan said with a face straighter than himself.  
"Hey! It's not my fault, it was probably from all those years of listening to All Star involuntarily" Phil  replied rather defensive.  
"Can you have spaghetti, Phil?" Chris asked from the living room.  
"It has to have a special kind of everything. But, I'm sure that we have most of this stuff already." Dan was looking over the list that Phil's doctor had given him.  
"Spaghetti it is then!" PJ got down a box of noodles, and some bowls.

It was about 6 in the evening now, and the Fantastic Foursome were all seated around the kitchen table, finishing up their dinner

" I haven't eaten a meal that healthy since I was a child, and that's because I either went without, or took what I was given." Chris stretched his back, after he finished his meal.

"We brought some over night bags with us, in case you need us to stay here to help." PJ picked up Chris's bowl with his own.  
"Did you bring Camel Up?" Phil asked placing his chin in his palm.   
"Phil, you have the game too. See?" Dan had brought the game in from the living room.  
"But I like PJ's better!"  
"Usually I'm the only person saying that. It's a little weird to hear it coming from someone else, but hey! I'm not in any position kink shame"  
"Oh my god, Chris. Shut up" PJs face had turned to light shade of pink. You would think that after all these years he would be used to this kind of thing by now.

A couple of hours had passed since they started playing and Phil was beginning to fall asleep between turns, while everyone else was beginning to yawn heavily. The game has just finished when Dan called it a night. It was only 10 PM, and they were all tired as dogs. That night, everyone went to sleep with a clear head. Dan slept the hardest because he hadn't had a safe and sound Phil to sleep next to in what seemed liked years.


	10. Part 10

"Alright Dan, what's your plan for the anniversary and the barn and stuff?" 

Dan had been trying to avoid this topic ever since Phil had come home. The day after tomorrow is going to be their 48th anniversary, and he wasn't quite sure about if he was going to show Phil the barn on their 48th, or wait for their 50th. It's not exactly an easy thing to think about, let alone talk about. All Dan knew is that Phil was his everything, and he couldn't live without him. 

"I-I don't know" Dan spoke so softly that PJ could barely hear him.  
"Well, if Chris and I were in this same situation, I would go ahead and show him. Just because you've already had one scare. And to be honest, it was pretty big, Dan. Everything in there is done and ready for Phil. Whenever you're ready, it's waiting on you."  
"Thanks, Peej. Well, get home safe, see you guys next week?"  
"Of course!" Chris said while clicking in his seat belt.

Dan stepped back from the truck and waved them goodbye, before heading back up to the porch where Phil was sitting with Dil in his rocking chair. Dan started to tear up at the sight of his beautiful husband sat peacefully before him on this old porch. He wasn't ready to loose him any time soon. He felt selfish for thinking this way, but fuck, Phil was his everything, and it couldn't be said enough.

"Phil, are you ready to come inside?" Dan asked, picking up Dil.  
"Yeah, actually, I think I am."

Dan took Dil inside before coming back to help Phil. They almost fell over each other trying to get through the door. Even after all these years, they are still as clumsy as ever. If I was being completely honest, this whole story is crazy because we all know that one of them would have ended up losing a limb by this point in their lives. Then again, they do get incredibly lucky sometimes. Anyway, I think the fourth wall is broken enough. Let's get back to the story, shall we.

Dan sat Phil down in the living room on the couch.

"What would you like for lunch, Philly?"  
"A sandwich, please"  
"Alright." Dan called from the kitchen.

As Dan was getting out all of Phil's favorite things for a sandwich, he let his thoughts go wherever they wanted. He had stopped caring about them by this point. They were going to dark places, they never really stopped going there, but he knew that he always had Phil to reassure him that everything was going to be OK. 

'If you don't make this sandwich healthy enough for Phil, like his doctor said, then you could give him another heart attack "  
'Phil won't even like the barn. He'll say that he does, but only because of pitty for you.'

The thoughts circling around in his head have been terrible ever since the day that he was sure Phil was going to die.

'If I ignore them, then they'll go away' Dan tried so desperately to not listen as he carried his husband's plate into the living room. But one thought had crossed the line.

'Phil is going to die, and it's all your fault.'

Before, Dan had shed a couple of tears. But this caused him to breakdown into a puddle of sorrow. He dropped the plate and fell to the ground with a silent scream escaping his mouth. Phil was calling his name from the living room, terrified. Phil was trying to get up and come to Dan's rescue, like he had done so many times before. He was finally able to make it to the kitchen after a couple of minutes. Phil carefully knelt down beside Dan, holding him close to his chest, whispering to him telling him that everything is going to be OK.

"Dan, you are safe, OK? Listen to me, just focus on the sound of my voice, OK?"

Dan was still crying, just as hard as before. But this time he was trying to stop the thoughts, while clutching Phil's jumper for dear life.

"Do you remember the day that you told me we were going to Japan? We were sitting on the couch eating some Delia Smith sugar cookies that we had made the night before. It was about noon because we had both just woken up. You still had your insanely adorable hobbit hair, and I still had my glass on. We had 'My Neighbor Totoro'playing on the TV. Neither of us was really watching, too entranced by our laptops."


	11. Part 11

Dan's cries had calmed down to soft whimpers as he held his eyes shut, listening to Phil's voice. Once Phil had finished his story, he looked down at Dan and asked him how he was feeling, while running his fingers through the younger's hobbit-like fringe.

"Better" Dan barely squeaked out.  
"Better enough to talk about it?" Phil knew that Dan was still sensitive right now, so he didn't push him to talk about it. But he knew that Dan would need to eventually.   
"I'll try."  
"Whenever you're ready, love" Phil whispered into Dan's hand.  
"To say it simply, I'm scared, Phil. I don't want to loose you. And I was thinking about your heart attack, and how you almost died. And I thought, for a split second, that you had wasted your entire life caring for me and always having me tag along, even if you didn't want me to." 

Tears were quietly falling from Dan's chin again. They were softly wiped away by his husband's beautifully gentle hands. When Dan looked up, he noticed that Phil, too, was crying. Dan let out a soft chuckle.

"Phil, why are you crying?"

Phil took a deep breath, "Because, there is not a single person on this earth that I would have rather spent these last 50 years with. Please Dan, never think that way again. You are not a burden by any means. You've done just as much for me as I've done for you. Please, please understand that, Danny?"

Dan nodded his head, and leaned in to give Phil a soft kiss on the lips. Phil kissed back, with one of his hands holding Dan's, and the other holding his neck. Phil scooted closer to Dan, so that their chests were flush with one another. As Phil started to deepen the kiss, Dan pulled back. Phil had a worried look on his face that asked, 'Are you OK?'

"Um, Phil?"  
"Yea?"  
"Do you think that this will be our last anniversary together?"  
"No, because soul mates never loose each other. I will always remember you, and I know that you'll never forget me. If you pass before me, then that means you get a head start in the race, even though I'll probably be the one who needs it."  
Dan let out a giggle, "What race Phil?"  
"After we leave this world, then you and I will be racing through the house, chasing soot gremlins."  
"Oh, really?"  
"Yes, really."

Dan started to giggle uncontrollably when the image of 2 obnoxiously tall men trying to chase soot gremlins, popped into his head. Phil started laughing even harder at Dan laughing, and they just kept laughing at each other until their voices were hoarse. 

"How do you always manage to make the best of the worst situations? I've been trying for years, and am yet to figure it out."  
"I don't know, Dan. It just kinda happens, ya know?"  
"No, not really. If I did, then I probably wouldn't be asking, Phil"  
"Fair enough."

They sat in the floor of the kitchen in a comfortable silence for about an hour. Their backs leaned against the old wood of the cabinets, legs tangled with each other, and the plate sitting a few feet away from the 2 of them. 'It's quite amazing that Dil hasn't taken advantage of this lone sandwich in the middle of the floor.' Phil thought to himself.

"It's been 48 years, Phil. I don't know where the time has gone. It feels like it's just been a really busy couple of weeks."  
"I know what you mean. Like we fell asleep cuddled up together that first night that we spent together in 2009, and just woke up with all these new memories."  
"I don't even question why they're there. Because every single day, I remember something new. I mean, is not really new because it's a memory, but it's something that I haven't thought about in a while."

Both of their voices were rich in nostalgia and recollection. Eventually they headed up to their bedroom, finding Dil already fast asleep sprawled across the bed, taking up as much room as possible.


	12. Part 12

October 18th, 2056. The day before Dan and Phil's 48th anniversary. When they finally got married, they decided to do their anniversaries from the day that they meet in 2009. Dan was on edge all day because tomorrow was the day that he was going to finally take Phil to the barn and show him how much he really meant to him. Phil noticed how much Dan seemed to be out of it, but didn't say anything about the way he was acting. 

Phil already knew what he was going to give Dan tomorrow. He had picked it out and spent all of his shopping money on it when he and Chris went out to London a few weeks ago. It was a ring that was hand made in Ireland. The ring had the Celtic knot, 'Infinite', on it. He had a special message written on the inside of the band, for Dan. He was so excited to give it to Dan. Especially since his 'accident', as he liked to call it. He knew that once he passed, Dan would have tons of pictures and videos and scrap books to remember him by, but he felt that this ring was something that Dan would always have close to him. Even when Phil couldn't be there to hold his hand in person, the ring would be. Even though, when he bought it, Chris found it absolutely hilarious considering how terrified Dan was of the movie.

"Dan? They're here!" Phil called up the stairs.  
"OK! I'll be down in a sec. Don't wait up!" Dan was fastening the last button on his moth shirt when Phil called from the bottom of the stairs.

They had invited a few friends over for a small party before the big day tomorrow. They had invited mostly close friends, they didn't want it to be too big of a deal. Mostly because that means more people, and more people means more cleaning, and neither of them really enjoy such an evil act made to ruin people's lives.

Just as Dan was coming to the bottom of the stairs, he heard the familiar voices of Felix and Marzia. Then he heard Darcy, and Louise. He saw so many people that he hasn't spoken to in years.

"Dan!" Darcy was the first to notice him, as always. I still can't believe that little baby glitter is 45 years old, Dan thought.  
"Darcy!" The 2 came in for a quick hug before Dan was pulled else where.  
"Pewds! How've you guys been? It's been what, a year?"  
"No, actually. Just about 9 months. But it's still great to see you!" Marzia replied to him.  
"And that's why Phil is having the baby, not me."

The rest of the night consisted of small talk amongst old friends, reliving all the memories they shared, and eating some food that PJ had thrown together. At one point, Dan had snuck away to the barn to make sure that everything was ready to go so that in 15 hours he could present as much of his soul to his heart, Phil, as possible.

When Phil noticed that Dan had disappeared, he quickly took everyone over to the book shelf in the living room, and pulled a small box of from behind a cactus.

"This is what I'm going to get him for our anniversary." Phil said, opening the box with full precaution.

When he opened the box, everyone gasped in unison. They were all in awe of its beauty. The way it shines, all of its small details and slight imperfections that come with the hand made material. He wouldn't let anyone read the message inside because of how personal it was. He felt that it would take away from its sincerity if everyone around him knew what it said.


	13. The Anniversary

A couple more hours had passed before everyone started to leave, leaving Dan and Phil to themselves once again. By this point it was a quarter till midnight and the two had started cleaning, despite how tired they were.

Phil had gone to the bedroom to go get changed out of his 'social attire' while Dan continued cleaning. While we was wiping off the stove top, he noticed that the clock read 12:00. He walked quietly to the bedroom trying to be as quiet as possible. As his hand reached for the door knob, the door was already being opened by his husband.

"Happy Anniversary!", they both said in unison.  
"Alright, this is starting to get kinda scary." Dan giggled.  
"It's been like this for nearly 50 years, Dan. Now your saying it bothers you?"  
"I never said it bothered me. For all you know, it could be my favorite thing in the world."

Dan's sentence got quieter as he grabbed Phil's hand, and placed his forehead to Phil's. He turned his head slightly, closed his eyes, and brought their lips together in a kiss filled with so much love that it would have made Cupid blush.

Phil opened his mouth a bit, to deepen the kiss as Dan followed his lead. Eventually, Phil's arms were wrapped around Dan's waist, pulling him in as close as he possibly could. Dan placed a feather-like hand on Phil's chest, while the other was cupping the still chiselled jaw-line of his soul mate. Phil slowly started to lead Dan into the bedroom. Dan fell backwards onto the bed with Phil landing softly on top of him, never breaking their kiss. Phil had started to subconsciously unbutton Dan's shirt, while the younger of the 2 kept his hands resting on the chest of older.

"Um, Phil?"  
"What is it, babe?"  
"Are you sure that you want to do this? It's been a while, in case you forgot."  
"Yes, I am sure. Are you OK with it?"  
"I mean, don't get me wrong, I really want to, but I'm just worried about something going wrong. Ya know?"  
"Dan, honey. Stop worrying so much, OK? We'll be fine. But I need to know, do you want to do this?"  
"I love you, Philip Michael Lester. MAKE LOVE TO ME!"  
"No worries there, pal."  
"Please never call me pal in this situation ever again. It's a major turn off."  
"You got it, bud."  
"Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, you always surprise me."  
"But that's why you love me" Phil said as he got in another kiss.  
"Exactly"

There was a certain electricity in the air that night as they expressed their love for each other in a way they hadn't done in years. Their bodies and hearts became one. 

They fell asleep in each other's arms, each of them dreaming of the following days events. Dan couldn't wait to show Phil the barn, and Phil couldn't wait to show Dan the ring. 

The next morning, Dan woke up before Phil, just to make him some wonderful Delia Smith pancakes. Today was going to be an adventure for the both of them.


	14. October 19th, 2057 (Part 1)

'SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT' Dan mumbled under his breath. He managed to drop 6 eggs worth of shells into the pancake mix. He was able to retrieve the big pieces with a fork, and hoped that Phil wouldn't notice the smaller bits. He'd just put a lot of whip cream on top as a distraction.

After Dan finished putting all of the dishes onto the tray to take to Phil, he went upstairs to surprise him with breakfast in bed. He left the door cracked, thank God. Dan pressed his back to the door and quietly opened it, softly calling Phil's name.

"Phil, sweetheart. I brought you some pancakes for your anniversary breakfast."   
"I thought I smelled burning eggshells." Phil teased, through a yawn.  
"Well, I've never!" Dan responded, adding a deep Southern draw, and placed his hand on his chest acting deeply offended.  
"Calm down there, Miss Scarlett. It was only a joke."  
"You know me so well, it's almost scary."

They sat in bed playing with Dil while Phil finished his breakfast. Phil was enjoying the comfortable silence, but he needed to know what Dan's plans were so that he could find the perfect time to give him the ring.

"Dan?"  
"Yes, Phil?"  
"What were your plans for today? Just so I can mentally prepare all of the required puns."  
"I was thinking that we could go have a picnic in the yard, and spend the whole day outside. What were you thinking?"   
"Staying like this for the rest of the day. Doing absolutely nothing."  
"But Phil, we've been like this for hours." Phil poked out his lip.  
"Fine, but not for much longer we still have to give gifts and I am very excited about giving you yours."

Dan got up and took Phil's tray back into the kitchen, checking the weather before heading back up stairs. 'Perfect', he thought, sunny, slight breeze, and not too hot. After Phil made sure that Dan was in the kitchen and wouldn't be leaving any time soon, he snuck into the living room, and got the small box holding the ring. He went back upstairs as quietly and carefully as possible. Once upstairs, he hid the box under Dan's pillow. Soon after, Dan arrived in the door way.

"Phiiiil?" He let out a slight yell, scared by Dan.  
"Daniel?"  
"Phil, what the hell was that?" Dan started walking slowly towards the bed, setting his phone down on the dresser by the door.   
"I don't know what you're talking about, Dan."  
"Phil, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Dan's lips had started to curl up into a smile as he got closer to the bed.

Dan reached for the pillow, but Phil threw himself onto it to stop him from seeing what was beneath the pillow. Dan gave Phil a look meaning that the challenge was accepted. He began using Phil's weakness against him. Ticking. He knew that Phil was a giggling baby when he's was tickled, making him easy to control and more susceptible to giving in. 

"No! Dan! This isn't fair!" Phil nearly screamed between bouts of laughter.  
"Ah Ha! I got it!" Dan cried with victory.

Dan sat on the bed next to Phil who had rolled into his side to get the perfect view of Dan's face when he saw the ring. A smile spread across Phil's face as Dan's goofy smile dropped. Dan's eyes opened wide at the first glance of the beautiful piece of jewelry. As the box continued to slowly open, he started to mouth something, but couldn't quite figure out what to say. A tear started to slowly make its way down from his beautiful mahogany eyes as others began to form in the other.

"Ph-Phil." Dan barely managed to get out.  
"Do you like it?" Phil asked, laying his head in Dan's lap.  
"No, Philip. I think it's absolutely disgusting. Of course, I love it, you spork" Dan leaned down to kiss Phil's forehead.


	15. October 19th, 2057 (Part 2)

Dan was so awestruck by the jewelry that he had completely forgotten about the anxiety of showing Phil the barn. He was torn from his trance by Phil wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing his softly wrinkled cheek.

"For your present, you need to get dressed and be emotionally prepared."  
"Is it going to be all cute and stereotypical?" Phil asked, just short of bouncing with excitement.  
"No, we're going to a slaughter house." And with that, Dan left the room.

Dan had gotten a picnic basket thrown together by the time that Phil had come down stairs ready to go. They were now walking across the yard, towards the barn. Dan was so nervous that his throat kept going dry, hence why he kept taking sips of his water.

"Danny, are you okay?" Phil asked, voice coated with concern.  
"Hmm? Yeah, yeah I'm great! Just a little worried about your reaction is all." Dan has started watching his feet move swiftly across the grass trying to avoid looking at Phil.  
"I'm sure that if you had the idea, then it's bound to be absolutely amazing. Just like your husband."  
"Did you just?"  
"Sure did. Now open the door, you goof."  
"Oh my god, Philip. Anyways, I have been working on this barn since we moved here. Everything that you see inside represents either a part of you or a part of us that I will always love.I really really hope that you love it even a fraction of the amount I love you."

Phil had started to tear up already, after only a couple of sentences from Dan.

"Close your eyes, and no peeking either."Dan started to open the door.

He hurriedly carried the basket inside and set it down on the table before going to get Phil who was still standing outside the door with his eyes closed. He reached out a hand for Phil to use as guidance and balance.

"Be careful on this part, there's a small dip in the doorway." Dan warned, after having tripped over it many times before.  
"Can I open my eyes now?" Phil whined.  
"Just a sec", Dan placed himself halfway behind and halfway bedside Phil, "now".

Phil opened his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light after having them closed for the past few minutes. As soon as everything came into focus, he forgot how to breath. The need of air for basic survival had completely dissipated.

Directly in front of Dan & Phil, there was a rug that looked incredibly fluffy under a small table made for two along with a couple of chairs. A few feet further behind the table sat a loveseat facing the wall to the left. Phil noticed where the loveseat was facing and traced his eyes over to the far left wall. On the wall there were pictures of all shapes and sizes of Dan & Phil from the past 48 years of their lives. All in the shape of the ampersand (&).

"Because it's Dan and Phil. It always has been and it always will be."

Dan had wrapped his arms around Phil's waist and rested his chin on the elders shoulder. They began to walk over to the table where Dan had previously placed the picnic basket. Dan helped Phil into his seat and started to take out the contents of the basket.

"What would you like to eat first, Phil?" Dan asked, as he unwrapped his own sandwich.  
"Surprise me with anything but cheese." Phil made a disgusted face.  
"Lucky for you, I brought some fresh popcorn. So we can get this party poplin!" Phil just responded with a shake of his head.  
"Oh come on! That was funny and you know it!" Dan said, throwing the bag of popcorn at him.  
"I must admit with honor, that that was fairly clever."

After they had finished eating all the food from the basket, they walked over to the loveseat and admired the incredible handiwork of the wonderful KickthePJ.

They spent up to 6 hours in the barn before they realized that the sun had gone down. It was even more amazing at night because the only light they had was that of the fairy lights, a few of Phil's favorite scented candles, and the sparks in their kisses.

After a dance or two, they finally decided to call it a night and head inside.

"Dan? Are you still awake?"  
"Yes Phil, I'm still awake"  
"Thank you for today and always"  
"You are my always, Phil. If anybody should be thanked, it should be you."  
"I love you, Dan."  
"I love you, Phil."

They had both said those three special words to each other many times before. But this time, they just didn't seem to fit. Love is a strong word, but sometimes it just isn't strong enough.


	16. How to Begin the 5 Stages

Upon returning to the house the night before, Dan and Phil had gotten a wonderful nights sleep. Dan, oddly enough, was the first to wake. His slumber had been cut short by a whining Dil. Usually he was begging for attention, but this was a different kind of wine, it sounded very distressed and worrisome. Once Dan had realized this, he sat up and called for Dil.

"Phil? What do you think is wrong with him?" Dan asked while patting the bed, giving the pup a signal that it was okay to get in the bed.

He ran straight to Phil and started licking his face and pressing his head to Phil's no longer being heart.

"Dil! What are you doing, you spork?" Dan laughed, even though he was slightly worried.

Dan watched Dil continuously press his head to Phil's chest and lick his face and hands. Dan knew that sometimes Phil liked to mess with Dil, but he could never keep still when his hands were licked. Dan's face had started to loose color rapidly upon realization. 

He got on his knees on the bed, and started to tap Phil on the shoulder. Harder every few taps, until he was eventually shaking Phil's lifeless body. He had started out with just simply calling out Phil's name, but now he was full on screaming with tears racing down his face. Dan's voice has started running coarse from the screaming and his body and started to violently shiver from the sobs.

A couple of hours later Dan was knelt beside Phil's side of the bed holding his hand with both of his own.

"Phil, darling? Please wake up? I need you to get up, and come down stairs with me, okay?" Silent tears were still falling.

Dan stood up and gave Phil a kiss on the cheek before going down stairs. He picked up his phone from the counter in the kitchen and was calling Chris and PJ. The phone rang a few times before he heard a very happy Chris answer the phone.

"Dan! What a surprise, we were just talking about you, actually. Wondering how last night went?"  
"Hey, uh last night went really well. But I was just wondering if there was anyway that you and Peej could get here pretty soon, it's kind of an emergency."  
"Of course we can, we're on our way back from lunch, so we should be there soon, okay?" You could hear the concern and support in his voice.  
"Thank you, I'll keep you updated if something happens."

Dan called 999 and ordered an ambulance, breaking down once again after he gave the operator their address. When the ambulance had arrived, he showed the paramedics upstairs to where Phil was still laying on the bed. He left the room once they had started taking his vitals. Inside the room, the man and woman gave each other sorrowful glances. Dan couldn't bring himself to even glance around the door frame into the room. The whole house was uncomfortably silent, making it quite easy to hear Chris and Peej pull up. Dan walked downstairs to greet them and tell them what had happened.

"Dan, we saw the ambulance outside." Chris said, pulling him into a hug.  
"Is he okay?" PJ was already starting to tear up.  
"No." Dan whispered in a very monotone voice for fear of crying again.  
"I'm sure that everything will work itself out. Stuff like this usually does."  
"Chris is right. Sometimes things happen to us that we don't expect but we just have to learn how to except that with a smile on our face and move on, but still have the memories."

Chris and PJ turned to face the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. The paramedics came down stairs and looked to Dan.

"Excuse me, Mr. Howell?" You could hear the shaking in her voice,"we have checked all of Philly's vitals, and it appears that he has passed very peacefully in his sleep. From what we could tell, it appears that he passed at about 3 this morning."  
"Why did you call him Philly?" Dan sounded confused and defensive.  
"Because when I was younger I used to watch all of your videos. I even met you guys at VidCon once. I cannot even begin to fathom how you must be feeling right now, but please remember that the Phandom will always be here for you, okay?"  
"Thank you. Please tell me what we do from here?"

The paramedics went into detail on the process of getting Phil to the morgue, the funeral, memorial service, burial, and the 5 Stages of Grief. 

That night Chris and PJ helped Dan pack a two night bag. Everytime he tried to pack something, he was reminded of him. Phil's underwear in a heap beside his stacked pairs. His shirts were on hangers mixed with his. Their toothbrushes still in the holder next to each other. He and Dil were to stay with PJ and Chris until they were sure Dan could handle being by himself.

This is how you Begin the 5 Stages of Grief.


	17. The Funeral

It has been three days since Phil's passing. Dan has yet to leave Chris and PJ's house. Today is the worst day. Today is the day of the funeral. Chris and PJ had to go pick up a suit for Dan. They suggested that he join them, but he only replied with a simple 'no thank you'.

Dan is now standing in front of the mirror adjusting his tie. He keeps looking at the door, waiting for Phil to come rushing in, looking for his other sock. He knows that such a thing would never happen ever again.

It's 1:58, Dan is still in the car. The service begins at 2, but Dan isn't ready for this. He isn't ready to accept that his husband, lover, and best friend his dead. 

"Dan? Everything is ready. It looks beautiful in there, they really did a good job with truly showing who Phil really was." PJ have him a pat on the back.

Dan replied with a small nod, stepping out of the car. They walked up to the doors of the home and PJ pulled him in for a hug. Once inside, they walked to the first row where a seat was still left empty, with a 'RESERVED' sign. He took his seat and played with his hands until it was his turn to speak. He had the whole thing written down on a tear soaked piece of paper. Thankfully, he had typed and printed it. Per Dan's wishes, Chris had placed the original handwritten copy in Phil's suit jacket pocket. He had told himself this whole time that he would be able to give his eulogy. But now is time for that, and he realises that he can't. He looks to his right, and gives Chris a look crying for help. Thankfully Chris understands and stands up first, offering a hand to Dan. They step on the podium together.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Chris Kendall, and I will be speaking on the behalf of Dan Howell-Lester, Phil's husband, and Trash Number 1"

"Phil had always said that normalness leads to sadness, which probably explains why he was so happy all the time. He always had a smile on his face, and if he didn't, you knew that there really was something wrong. He was a precious little bean, my little bean. I loved Phil, and I know that he loved me, even if I wasn't truly convinced until about a month ago. And there's another thing about him, no matter how obvious something seemed, he was completely willing to reassure you and make you feel better. Phil's the kind of person that'll make you laugh until your sides hurt, even if it's the worst day of your life. He would never let someone leave the house unhappy, which meant that they would stay longer. But of course he never minded. Phil is my best friend. I honestly can't remember a time in my life where Phil wasn't a deciding factor for most of my major decisions. He was also my husband, and one of the best that anyone could ask for. To give you a glance into domestic Phan, on our wedding night, he made me make the promise that we would never go to bed angry at one another. There were a few times that one of us slept on the couch, until Phil came to me at 2 in the morning and we sat and talked it out until 6 AM. Philip Michael Howell-Lester was one of the greatest men that this world shall ever see, and I shall stand by that statement until I join him in whatever place he's in. Thank you all for coming to this beautiful service. And I hope that none of us forget who Phil was, and what he stood for."

The whole room was crying. Chris even had to stop a few times to wipe away tears.

"Thank you for doing that, Chris. I just couldn't do it, it's too soon."  
"I understand. I know that you would do the same for me." 

They were now standing in a separate room, Chris holding Dan as close as possible. They waited a few minutes before going back in. Not too long after the service had ended Dan was asked where he wanted to go. He simply replied with, "Our home"

So Chris and PJ drove Dan back to the farm. They stayed the night, just to make sure he was okay.

The house looked the same way it did when he left. But this time it was darker. The walls were darker shades of their former colors, the bright Pokèmons scattered thru the house were now washed out matte, the water in the shower was colder, the mirror was blurrier. Nothing about this place seemed like a home to Dan. Because it wasn't his home. It was just some walls and a great view. Home isn't made simply by a tangible house that can be destroyed, it's made with the people inside. But just like a house, Dan's home was destroyed by death who decided to stop by a little too early.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Phanfic and I really hope you guys like it!


End file.
